This is a post I never though I would write, but here we are, so let’s get going. Why did I quite my Youtube channel? For this, I had a few reasons. Reasons that to some people might sound like nothing at all, but to me they were getting too overwhelming.
I think the first, and main reason why I decided to quit Youtube is my privacy concern. When I was younger I was brought up being very careful on the internet. I was never allowed to put my face on the internet, or even my name. Hence why starting up a Youtube channel was quite a big deal for me. Besides that, I attach a very high value to my privicy, which I feel was not guaranteed on Youtube. I get that putting up Youtube video’s means giving up part of your privacy and for the most time I was okay with that. It made me a bit nervous at times but nothing more than that. Until one point I noticed that quite a few of my video’s were reuploaded by other people. Reuploaded on Youtube as well as on other websites. After doing a bit of research I realized that this is just a thing that happens. Everything that you upload online can and will be stolen. At first I was nervous about my privacy on Youtube but at least I had all the control over my video’s. I could delete them or set them to private whenever I wanted to. But now that my video’s were uploaded on different websites, I had lost all that control. I had no more say in who could watch my video’s and when they could watch it and that scared me. It scared me to the point where I felt sick to stomach of anxiety and stress. I know that this kind of stuff happens to almost every single person on Youtube, but for me, it was too much. I decided to wait for two weeks. Perhaps time would make it better. Perhaps after two weeks it wouldn’t bother me as much. Three weeks later, it still did.
The second reason was that I wasn’t fully enjoying it anymore. Filming, editing and uploading my video’s started to feel like a chore, like an obligation rather than something that I wanted to do because I enjoyed it. Perhaps I also lost my joy in it because of the anxiety I got around, I don’t know. But what I do know is that it didn’t feel like a hobby anym0re. Something that might also have played a part in this is that I mainly liked the idea of being ‘a Youtuber’. I liked the idea of filming and editing. It got to the point where I liked to idea more than the actual proces. I liked the idea of being just like all my favourite Youtubers. I had always seen all these video’s from Zoella, Pointlessblog, et cetera and they made me so happy and excited. I wanted to be just like them. I wanted to live my life the way they lived their lifes because they seemed so happy and at that time, I wasn’t. Misguided by sadness and darkness I thought that if I would just start making video’s as well, I would be happy and live a fun life, just like my favourite creators. Now I realize that that happiness did not come from making video’s. The video’s just captured the happiness that was already there. Making video’s did give me some joy, don’t get me wrong, but it was not the key to happiness, at least not for me.
When I had uploaded my first Youtube video I wrote a blogpost about being brave and saying yes. It was all about getting out of your comfort zone and saying yes to things that you normally would never even attempt to do. Now, however, I realize that there is more to it that just getting outside of your comfort zone. Because, besides your comfort zone and that the space outside of it, you have also have bounderies. And those bounderies should never be crossed. It’s a good thing to step outside of your comfort zone and try new things and experience life to the fullest, but do not cross your bounderies. For some people there bounderies are miles and miles away and for some they are just around the corner and that is okay. Eventhough I wish my bounderies would have been way further back, I know now that I should not cross them. (”Don’t cross your bounderies and think that it’s cool.. Misguided by darkness and lost on the road” thanks for that insight, Vic. (; )
Yes, it makes me sad that I have to quit Youtube because of these bounderies, but as soon as you notice that anxiety is taking control over your happiness, do something about it. I tried telling myself that it was okay and that it was normal that my video’s were uploaded somewhere else (which it is, apparently) but the fear stayed and that was when I realized something had to be done.
However, I do want to say that these 1,5 years on Youtube were really great. I said yes, I took risks, I had fun and I left my comfort zone. I did things that I never thought I would ever be capable of doing and I am hella proud of myself for that. Just like I am proud of myself for respecting my personal bounderies and also being able to say no, this is enough. I am sad to be leaving this Youtube adventure because it has been a hoot and a half but now I have a whole new space in my life to fill up with new things. And I think, in the end, that is what life is all about, experiencing as much as you can.
Don’t be surprised though if every once in a while you do see a video of me popping up here on my blog. I love making video’s and I love putting all of my creativity into them so I won’t be quitting that. The only difference is that the video’s will not be regular and that if they are uploaded, they will only be uploaded as ‘unlisted’ meaning that only people with the link to the video can watch them. (which means you guys because I will be sharing the link on here. so yay!) I hope in this way I can still make video’s but without feeling obligated and anxious about it.
Thank you so much to all the people who supported me throughout my Youtube journey. For all of those people I will be forever grateful. It has been a laugh. Let’s hope the next chapter will bring even more of that.
I love you all loads and thank you again!
For everyone’s privacy I removed all the names and account names from the comments, but here are some of my favourites. The ones that made me smile the most: