Goodbye 2016: the year of ups and downs

The year is coming to and end. The finish line of 2016 is in sight. A lot has happened in the world this year, but I am going to keep this post close to myself. I started to ponder of all the things I have achieved this year, things I have learned. I thought I would write some of them down today for you to read.

  • Every year in these kind of posts I write about how proud I am of myself for saying yes to scary things and getting outside of my comfort zone. However, this year is slightly different. This year I am proud of the fact that I said no. It’s a good thing to say yes and step outside your comfort zone, but if you feel like you are crossing your own personaly bounderies, you should also be brave enough to say no. You might know that I quit my Youtube channel this year. Eventhough it makes me sad sometimes that uploading online video’s crosses my bounderies and triggers my anxiety, but I do not regret my decision. I feel like I have made the right choice by saying no this time. Even if that means giving up a ‘dream’or  a ‘passion’. Mental health always comes first. If it is hurting your mental health, it’s not the right dream for you.
  • Here on my blog I often share my thoughts, feelings and emotional well-being. I have two reason for doing that. 1) writing down my thoughts helps me make sense of my brain. 2) I hope to show the few reading this, that it is okay to not be okay. As much as it is motivating to hear words like: ”I made it through, so you can do it too”, I feel like hearing the words: ”I am broken too and that is okay” is ultimately so much more comforting. Hearing that it will get better gives hope for the future and that is good, but what about the present? I am still feeling bad now. Of course it is nice to hear that it won’t last forever but what do I do with that information right now? I think it is so much better to know that it is okay that you are feeling bad or sad. You are not alone in this. By sharing my thoughts, I do not hope to give the best advice. I am still struggling so I don’t have the best advice. However, by sharing my thoughts and feelings I hope to show some people that it’s okay to struggle, it’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to not know what to do. As long as you keep trying to be a better person.
  • Something else I have been thinking about a lot this year is the question: how do I get through this life? Sometimes I wonder what I am doing here. What’s my purpose? What am I supposed to do in this life? I have come up with something. My answer is not all there is to life. There is so much more. But I feel like what I have made up here, might be the beginning of purpose. At least for me. I feel like I need to find something I am passionate about. You don’t have to be good at it. Stop feeling like you need to be a teenage prodigy. You just got to keep trying, keep working. Until you find a purpose on this earth, give yourself a purpose. I have been playing the ukulele. I have been writing poetry, this blog and a novel. I have been drawing and painting. All of this only to find a sense of purpose. It would be nice of course if in the end, we would find that one thing that gives us our purpose but perhaps the search for purpose is our purpose. I am not sure about this yet. I will update you on my findings in the form of another blogpost as soon as I have figured it out.
  • Another thing I found out this year, is that the brain, for some people, is a very big place, inside of a very small place. This can be very frustrating, scary even. I like to compair my brain to the universe. (I am aware this might sound a bit odd) The universe is this massive thing. Most of it still unknown and undiscovered. No one really knows where it ends. Does it even end? But most importantly; the universe is filled with planets, stars, nebulae, galaxies and black holes. Some parts are beyond beautiful whereas other parts are dark, scary and destructive. The universe is a beautiful and scary place. Just like my mind sometimes. And that’s okay. I wouldn’t want it any other way.
  • Lastly, I realized that life is all about the small moments of happiness. There is not going to be one big moment that your whole life has been leading up to. It’s the small moments that are important. In order to live those happy moments, you have to be alive. I have heard that, apparently, it’s worth it. You just got to survive and get through the bad moments, so you can enjoy and be alive for the happy ones. I think that is what life is all about. You cannot stop the bad moments from happening. But you can survive them.

This was quite a messy post. I was feeling a bit messy myself today so I think it’s appropriate. What have you learned this year? Let me know in the comments. I would really love to know.

I will see you tomorrow! Try to live on, friend.

Toodlepip! xx

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