It has been quite a while since I have uploaded on here. Over the last, I suppose, week, things have emotionally been quite heavy for me. Nothing too serious I guess, it’s just something that, with my mental health state, I have to deal with from time to time. Sometimes I just start thinking a little bit too much.
While I was thinking I started to ponder of my future. As I said in an earlier post, I am currently a senior in high school and hopefully I graduate after this year and get to go to uni. Going to uni has always been a massive motivation for me. Personally, I absolutely hate and dread high school. I dread having to go there each day and I hate the everyday life that I am currently living. I have always had these big hopes that going to uni and moving to a bigger city would magically make me more happy with the way my life is. I often hear these stories from people telling me that going to uni and moving out will make things better. Just a change of environment can already do so much for your mental health, they say. However, now that it is getting closer and closer, I am starting to get a bit nervous; what if it is not going to be the way expected it? What if my life is still going to be as unsatisfying as it is now?
Just in case the change of going to uni and living in a bigger city is not enough, I decided to come up with a few goals. Goals that I am going to try and work on in order to, hopefully, change my life and steer my vessel, as I like to call this life and this body that I am currently in, into a more positive direction.
These goals are very minor and very small things but there is nothing more demotivating as not reaching your goals.
1. Blog regularly
I know I talk about this quite often, but blogging is something I have been loving for quite some time now. Whether I talk about beauty and fashion or about mental health, I love being able to just type away and clear my head. That is also why, as soon as I have some more time on my hands, I want to blog more often but most importantly, according to some sort of schedule. I often set certain days for myself to upload but I never end up following up to that plan. Sometimes because I am too busy with school, sometimes because I don’t feel emotionally or mentally well enough to write something, or sometimes it is just simple laziness. I am hoping that once I have moved out and I am doing things that I am actually passionate about, I will be more motivated to do more with my life.
2. Make music
By this I don’t mean write music or make music of my own, because, let’s face it, I don’t think I am quite fit to do so. However, I recently got a ukulele and I love playing it. Even if it is just playing simple covers of my favourite songs. I enjoy it so much that it got to the point where I want to learn to play even more instruments. Therefore, making music is definitely something I want to work on.
3. Read more books
I say this everytime, every year, every day. I love to read, although, with all the mandatory books I have to read for school and all the homework and studying I have to do, it is hard to find time, but above all, energy to read. After a full day of school and homework, you kind of just want to sit down and watch Netflix. So again, hopefully going to uni will give me more time, more motivation and more energy to read.
4. Learn how to write
Not a lot of people know this about me, in fact, I think there is only one person who knows this about me. However, if I had to describe to you my biggest dream it would look something like this; being a bestselling young adult author, who is able, with her books, to change the way people look at the world, the way people look at themselves. Besides my books I would love to still write on here, on my blog. Just a cheeky little example; I would want to be the new J.K. Rowling, mixed with some Zoe Sugg and perhaps a little bit of Tyler Joseph. Not that I would want to be a succesful musician, simply because I do not have the talent for that, but I would love to somehow, add my love for music in there somewhere. Perhaps playing some ukulele covers during signings or meet-ups? I know, this vision sounds absolutely ridiculous. Who would ever want to read my books? Who would ever want to visit my blog? Who would ever want to hear me play the ukulele? But then again; power to the local dreamer, right? I could at least give it a go, right? Lucky for me, along with what I am going to do at uni, there is also an option to do a course of creative writing. I would absolutely love to just give that a go and see where it takes me. I have so many ideas and stories in my brain, why not let them out? All I need to know now is how to put my thoughts into words and write them down.
5. Surround myself with positive people
I am a person whose emotions and mental state are very much influenced by the people around her. If I am around positive and kind people, I will feel on top of the world. However, when I am around negative people, it will bring me down so much. That is why I am hoping that in the future I will be able to surround myself with positive people, like minded people. I think this whole ‘meeting new people and trying to find the right ones for me -thing’ has to be my biggest worry about moving away from my hometown.
6. Get better at art
Creating art, or simply just creating, is something I absolutely love. I like to see myself as quite a creative person, although, I feel like I lack the ability of actually bringing out that creativity. I want to paint, I want to draw, I want to write poetry. I have an abundance of ideas for all of this as well, but I am simply not good at it yet. I am not a great drawer nor painter nor poet. I want to be, I aspire to be, but I am not there yet. I hope that with loads of practise I will get there one day.
I am by no means an expert in the field of mental health, let alone that my advice is actually helpful. All I do is try to find ways to help myself. By setting goals for myself, by giving myself certain things to work on, I hope to push myself in a more positive mindset and a more satisfying daily life. Obviously, I am going to work hard for my dream, but like I said before; nothing is more demotivating than not reaching your goals. So becoming that great author/blogger/Tyler Joseph-person is not my main goal. Yes, it is something I will keep in mind and I will keep working for, but ultimately it is not what I focus on. I am going to focus on developing myself as a person.
I am going to focus on the proces instead of focussing on the end result.
Do you have any goals for your future? Things you want to learn? Things you want to do or see? Let me know in the comments!